Second Chances?

What warrants a second chance in a relationship?

Dear Love Bird,

    What do you want? How do you want your ideal relationship to look? How can you feel worthy of what you want?  I can tell you that you are worthy of the very best love, Anonymous. When you can answer these questions for yourself clearly and feel grounded in them, then the answer to your question will be clear as day.

    I worked with a client, let's call him"Jim," who had this same question. Jim had dated "Diana"  for 8 months and she broke it off with him out of the blue. He was destroyed because he was so in love with her and ready to get married. 

    So we worked together to heal  him from his broken heart. A lot of the healing had to do with, releasing Diana. Releasing someone you are in limbo with, stuck on, or hurt by is one of the most important things you can do so that you can move on and answer the questions I asked above with a clear and peaceful mind. 

    Once he released her, we got to work on answering those questions. Jim developed confidence and a healthy sense of worthiness by finally, for the first time in his life, getting clear on what he wanted. After some time, out of the clear blue sky, Diana came back into his life and was interested in this new confident Jim. Then he asked this same question that you are asking now, Anonymous.  Jim, confident about what his heart wanted, ended up not rekindling anything with Diana. He went on to  date only 2 more woman after this. The second is now is wife and babies are happening. He told me that, for the first time, he was in a relationship with no doubts or hesitations.

    In short, Anonymous, get clear on everything you want. Then when you are faced with questions like this, the answers will be crystal clear and you will save yourself and someone else from heartache. Perhaps this person is who you were meant to be with. Make the answer simple for yourself by releasing them, getting clear on what you want, then ask the question again. If you were meant to be together, nothing, not even a little time will keep you from your journey together.

-Alexandra Loves

 

www.alexandraloves.com

 

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Love is Hard....

Why am I still single? Finding Love is so hard.

Hello Love Bird,

  Being single in this day and age is something many find daunting. It does not have to be; it can actually be quite fun and creative. Your age, appearance, lifestyle, or past matters not.

You get love no matter what.

In some ways you have a nice advantage for yourself. You are still in a place where you can look around and pick the qualities you would like to see in your One and your future relationship.  
 

YOUR ONE!  Yes I said it. Your Soulmate, your puzzle piece, your Twin Soul, your Lobster.

When you come together with this person, all of the lamenting over your singledom will seem like a distant memory, if you remember at all. 

The key is to focus on what you want and feel good right now so that you can continue to gain momentum towards the very thing you want. You are capable and worthy.
 
It is not hard, just a little scary to believe something new. Then it gets less scary and less, then you open up, then they show up.

You get love. Yes, You.
 

 

-Alexandra Loves

www.alexandraloves.com

 







Secret Love. Should I tell her (him)?

I have been in love with the same girl FOREVER. I mean forever and I don't know what to do?! What if she doesn't love me back?

Dear Love Bird,

  You are worthy of the greatest love this world has to offer. It is time to get more in your life. When you pine after someone for weeks and months (I have one person in my practice that did this for YEARS before they came to me) you are delaying something beautiful. There is no way to tell what the beautiful thing is but you are definitely delaying your love.

Here are some scenarios. 

You tell her and:

She feels the same way. 
The beautiful thing- You start your partnership together. Violins play.

She doesn't know how to feel.
The beautiful thing-  She is considering it, you are now released from this big secret, she may or may not come around. If anything she will be flattered that someone was attracted to the point of love.

She harshly rejects you.
The beautiful thing - You are free and the Universe has acted on your behalf. It has protected you from a partnership with someone that would not love you the way you are worthy of.

The question is can you survive any of these scenarios? Will you curl up and die if you don't end up with her?  I think not. I think you have a loving heart and you will go  We all have a great capacity to love passionately. If the one you want right now is not who you were meant to be with, then get ready because there is someone waiting for you that will evoke this height of passionate love in you AND will have a similar capacity to love back with the same passion.

By not telling this woman, you are delaying the greatest love in your life, whether it be her or someone else.  

You can do this. You will survive.  Your love is valuable. You are worthy. The Universe is on your side.

You get love. Yes, you.

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You Are The Source Of Love

There is a lot of ideas, books, and people who tell you about what love is and how you are supposed to do it. I want to make it simple. There is only one realm of love that has life changing and earth moving qualities. This realm is known as Transcendent Love and we all get it, including you. It is the realm that I help my clients find; once they do, they never accept anything less. It is where your heart and soul live. This is the love that draws Soulmates together, the love parents have for their offspring, and the love that people feel when they have found a passion that ignites their hearts.   

BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO BELIEVE ABOUT LOVE. 

Not everything we are exposed to supports you in attracting this soul-satisfying type of love. You could be buying into ideas of "love" that aren't serving you or anyone around you. I see so many quotes in our media and online about love that teach people, sometimes in a sneaky way, terrible ideas about love. Here is a recent quote that is circulating:

"A man expects a woman to be an angel in his life. He must first create a heaven for her. Angels don't live in hell."

This quote describes a man and woman in a codependent relationship and that does not reflect the qualities of "Transcendent Soulmate Love." This relationship requires the man to create or be something for the women in order for her to be an angel. It is a lot of pressure on the man. Also, it is limiting for the woman to be an angel all of the time. They can not be each others source for love if they are to have anything resembling a heaven at home. Transcendent Love comes without conditions and the depths of human beings are infinite. Men and women can be angels, warriors, homemakers, ragga-muffins, hermits, lovers, or whatever we want, whenever we want! 

Let's get something out of the way.  It doesn't matter who you are, how you identify, your age, or color.

You are your own source of love, always. The quality of your life is your responsibility, always.

No one else will ever be the source of your happiness, ever. You create excitement and beauty in your life and as you do this, you discover the deeper parts of yourself.  You create heaven for yourself and continue to expand, gloriously.  Once more, you get to celebrate yourself whenever you want. You never need a partner for that.

When you love yourself more, the Universe always agrees and brings more love into your life.

When you meet with more love because of practicing love, you won't be expecting your partner to make a heaven or a home for you.  It will naturally happen as a result of you coming together in a perfect way. 

I am offering a rephrasing of this quote.

"Someone finds deep love within themselves, they will no doubt attract another whose love is aligned with their own. The heaven they create together is birthed from the discovery and exploration of themselves and each other."

Go ahead and  rephrase quotes and messages that come to you so that they reflect the type of love you want in your life. It doesn't have to be eloquent or perfect. You are the source of your own happiness and love and every moment is an opportunity to create that.

-Blessings to your Journey, Alexandra Loves


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You're Single. You're a Mom. Yes, You have a Soulmate.

Dear Alexandra,

I was in love with a guy who changed my life. I was certain that he was the one who I would spend my life with.  We had a whirlwind of a romance and I ended up having his baby. Then I found out he was cheating on me. The break up was painful and disheartening and now my life is completely different. I find myself to be a single mom.  It's not easy to grieve when you are a full-time mom and you have someone else's needs to put before your own.  I can't imagine dating again.  It seems daunting to start over and I'm protective of my son so it can't just be anyone.  I'm also concerned that it's hard to find a good man who wants to take on a family that isn't his own.

  Dear Love Bird,

    My heart goes out to you in this time of confusion and frustration. We live in a society in which being a single mom is often portrayed as a negative circumstance. Nothing could be further from the truth; you are a super being. The knowledge and love you now embody through the experience of motherhood assist you in attracting a transcendent form of love. 

I am talking about Soulmate Love. You, yes you, Single Mom, get love. You have a Soulmate out there.

   I already know that you got two beautiful things from this experience. The first being your amazing baby; babies and small children are shining examples of pure love energy and oneness. The second being contrast. No doubt, your experience hurt. However, now you know that this treatment will never be acceptable again. I invite you to say this intention out loud, right now, in regards to your experience:

THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN.

   Now let's support that. It is time to make time for yourself. You will not move on if you do not have time to work through this. Yes, taking care of a child, especially by yourself, leaves little time for focussing on yourself. Remember that your child will reflect everything you are because you are the center of his or her Universe.

It is a gift to you and your child to share the happiness in all aspects in your life.

  Make a commitment to yourself; 15 minutes before you go to sleep and 15 minutes before you get to household duties while your little one sleeps. You get two sessions a day where your phone is off, you aren't washing or cleaning, or planning. Do this and before you know it, more time will open up for you like magic. Use this time to meditate on what you want in a relationship. Open to the possibilities. It is your precious 30 minutes to focus on your future happiness. When you focus on what would make you happy in the future, your present will follow suit.

As for moving on from the past hurt. 

Ritual for Getting Over an Ex:

Find a calm and quiet place and light a candle. Focus on a picture of your ex. Remember and feel what it was like when things were good with that person. Now remember the bad stuff. Ask yourself about the truth of the relationship (What was the relationship, really?). Forgive him and yourself; this can be a challenge and you might have to work yourself up to this. Vow to continue on with the lessons you learned in this experience. Be open to any energetic message you may get from him or the Universe in these moments. Say any last words that he needs to hear from you. Give him an energetic hug and release him to his highest good. Give the picture to your child (if that is appropriate for you) or throw it away.

Now, focus on what you want in a relationship and for your family. Love knows no bounds. It does not matter if you are a single mom, had terrible past relationships, or if your skin is blue. You get love. yes, You. 

 


Labels don't become you.

Dear Alexandra, I feel like I am always getting these labels from people that sometimes describe me in a good way and other times it's like.... they are just meant to hurt me.  I am pretty independent and work hard. I haven't had partner or needed one in a loooong time. But, I am ready to find the love of my life. I want him to see me for me and not for what people say I am. The good labels I get are "strong woman, independent women, survivor, and brick house (can you believe that one?)." The bad labels are things like "cold, the 'B' word, loner, bro (like I am a guy)," and other things that are so... not nice.  I feel like I have to live up to the good ones and try to make people see that I am not like the bad labels at all.  So, how do I get them to stop? 

 Dear Love Bird, 

You never have to live up to anyone's label of you good or bad or ugly.  We tend to do this all of the time, that is, the labeling of people and things around us. We do it out of love and we do it out of fear. This frustration you have with labeling is something EVERYONE deals with no matter how you identify yourself.

Labels are so subjective to the person giving them. Also, they are more a reflection of the person giving the label than of you. You choose how much weight what they say about you will hold with you.  Remember that always.

The positive labels: If someone gives you a label that you agree with, say "thank you," enjoy the benefits of the flattery, and move on with your day.  Don't get attached to trying to always be what the person said about you, you will feel like you are failing if you do or say something that doesn't fit that description. You will also have an attachment to the view that person has of you. If they don't pay you the same respects at a different time, you will feel insecure about yourself. 

The negative labels: Remember that labels are a reflection of the person giving them.  Don't pay them any mind.  Should a person who holds you in such low regard get a moment of real estate in your mind? I think not. You have a life to live and things to do. It is very important to not respond by sending back negativity. Send forgiveness, if you aren't there yet, send understanding (that this person has some issues), if you aren't there yet, send nothing, move on quickly.

Practice these things all of the time and watch how quickly the insecurity and frustration diminishes. You will be more open and sure of who you are. Different dynamics of your 'self' will emerge and surprise you. 

As for finding your partner. Your Soulmate will see all of the amazing things you are. They will delight in experiencing the infinite depths that you and we all possess.

Labels don't become you, you become you.

You get love, yes you. 

-Alexandra

"Three Steps To Your Soulmate" 

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The Okay-ness of Backsliding

So Love Birds, You have been doing this amazing work for awhile. You have seen your habits change. The days are more fun, desperation in love is a distant memory, you have conquered your insecurities, and you believe with out a shadow of a doubt that you are on your way to your Soulmate. 

Then it happens and you didn't expect it. You weren't paying attention and something triggers you. Your insecurities flair up and you feel down, that old desperation comes back, you are ashamed to look in the mirror, or you take a date with someone "just to date, " even though you don't like them. You are again at a low point that you thought you had CURED YOURSELF of. You backslid.

GUESS WHAT? IT IS OKAY.

It is impossible for you to feel happy all of the time. It is impossible to avoid feelings of negativity. The work is NEVER directed towards eradicating those feelings. Is it lovely to be happy and joyous and eager MOST of the time? Yes, of course. However, take note, there is a reason we have these negative feelings: desperation, anger, loneliness, insecurity, etc. They let us know when something needs to be addressed. They indicate when it is time to walk away. They let you know when to change course.  

So Love Birds, be thankful for the full spectrum of your emotions. All emotions are there to help guide you. 

 

Method for Backsliding:

1. Be thankful that your guidance system is working  and giving you signals to pay attention to your current environment. 

2. Tell yourself that it is okay to feel these things and you are learning not to LIVE in these emotions. "It's okay for me to feel this, it is and important part of my guidance system."

3. Move away from the situation, distract yourself. If you can't get away for some reason, find an affirmation you can believe and repeat it frequently.  "I know I can do something about this." or "I am not going to stay here forever."

4. Find activity that does focus you on something you want to feel: Feel joy by playing with your dog, feel content with cooking a good meal, or feel happy by taking a nice long bath.

5. Know that in the future your guidance system will continue to help you figure out what you need to do or not do , where you need to be or not be, who to hang out with or not, and so on.

 The power of what you already have is grounded in your well being, trust it.

You get love, yes you.

- Alexandra Loves

www.alexandraloves.com


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Looking for Evidence

Where is he (she)?

So love birds, you are free of past loves and old relationships, you know who you want, you know the relationship you want, and you have felt the benefits of the deep and powerful Soul Call.

"So where is he, where are the signs that I am on my way?"

There will be signs. The Universe will send you signs frequently. You must be open and eager to the unexpected.

Be mindful because though the signs are abundant, they might not be what you expect. 

Lucy was ready to find her love. She focussed in on what she wanted through journaling, meditating, positive affirmations, and some soul searching. She knew her love was close and got very excited about the idea of sharing her journey with him. She looked for  signs that she thought SHOULD be there. She thought that  the signs would include lot's of men to flirt with her, seek out her time, and asking her on dates.  When these SPECIFIC things didn't happen she got discouraged. She was heart broken and thought it meant that she was mucking it all up somehow and getting further away from him.

NOT TRUE.

She was looking for signs of love in the wrong places and causing herself avoidable heartache. She finally came around to understanding that if she stayed open and hopeful, she would see clear signs that would lead her to her love. She did find her love! The signs she witnessed on the way to him were not what she expected. Once she met him, she realized that there were signs in abundance that were specific to her one and only.  

You may experience a lot flirting and dating as you open up to love but it is not the only way and certainly not what everyone experiences. You might hear songs, see sayings on billboards, maybe even notice common physical features frequently in other people that are liken to the love you are on your way to. We are all on the same path to love but the journey will be different.

Stay open and expect great things , love birds. 

You are loved. Yes, you.

 

 

 

Jealousy

Perhaps you want what they have. Perhaps you get that feeling of adrenaline/fear/loathing/annoyance when you see a display of affection or someone's wedding pictures. The jealousy might grow so big it makes your body rigid or it makes you grit your teeth.

Jealousy is simply a feeling that you can not or do not have what someone else does. It is your current belief system that holds you back from having the very thing that is causing these ill feelings.

Let's break that belief system down, lovelies.

Follow these steps when you get jealous:

1. Acknowledge out loud what is happening in your head and in your body. Be thankful for it because it is an indicator of something you need to work on. 

"I am jealous and I am grinding my teeth." or "I am jealous and it is making me think terrible thoughts about this person." and "I know this means I have some work to do here."

2. Ask yourself if you really want to feel that way. 

"Is this how I want to feel?" ( I promise the answer is "no.")

3. Set a clear intention that you will find better ways to deal with this.

" I will find help to deal with these emotions." or "This can not go on, I will change this."

4. Distract yourself from this whole subject with something that focuses you positively. Go watch a fun movie, meditate, take a run, or hang out with a great friend. You can not fix the jealousy when you are in the negative depths of it.

5. Once you find peace and contentment, then start laying your path:

Lay out the situation that caused you to feel jealousy in an objective way. Meditate on appreciation and celebrate the thing you believe you could not have that started the jealousy in the first place. Find examples that represent what you want and celebrate them, vision board them, or seek them out often. Find joyous and happy feelings and carry them for as long as possible. Journal about the beautiful things surrounding what you want. Practice these things often. Practice everyday.

Do these thing sand the next time your jealousy is triggered, you will find that the intensity of your jealousy is less, maybe by just a little or maybe a lot. Keep practicing, you will find that , one day,  in the moment you notice that someone has what you want, you will be excited, you will praise, you will attract that same thing to you!

You can have what you want. Get started now.

-Unity in Love-