Labels don't become you.

Dear Alexandra, I feel like I am always getting these labels from people that sometimes describe me in a good way and other times it's like.... they are just meant to hurt me.  I am pretty independent and work hard. I haven't had partner or needed one in a loooong time. But, I am ready to find the love of my life. I want him to see me for me and not for what people say I am. The good labels I get are "strong woman, independent women, survivor, and brick house (can you believe that one?)." The bad labels are things like "cold, the 'B' word, loner, bro (like I am a guy)," and other things that are so... not nice.  I feel like I have to live up to the good ones and try to make people see that I am not like the bad labels at all.  So, how do I get them to stop? 

 Dear Love Bird, 

You never have to live up to anyone's label of you good or bad or ugly.  We tend to do this all of the time, that is, the labeling of people and things around us. We do it out of love and we do it out of fear. This frustration you have with labeling is something EVERYONE deals with no matter how you identify yourself.

Labels are so subjective to the person giving them. Also, they are more a reflection of the person giving the label than of you. You choose how much weight what they say about you will hold with you.  Remember that always.

The positive labels: If someone gives you a label that you agree with, say "thank you," enjoy the benefits of the flattery, and move on with your day.  Don't get attached to trying to always be what the person said about you, you will feel like you are failing if you do or say something that doesn't fit that description. You will also have an attachment to the view that person has of you. If they don't pay you the same respects at a different time, you will feel insecure about yourself. 

The negative labels: Remember that labels are a reflection of the person giving them.  Don't pay them any mind.  Should a person who holds you in such low regard get a moment of real estate in your mind? I think not. You have a life to live and things to do. It is very important to not respond by sending back negativity. Send forgiveness, if you aren't there yet, send understanding (that this person has some issues), if you aren't there yet, send nothing, move on quickly.

Practice these things all of the time and watch how quickly the insecurity and frustration diminishes. You will be more open and sure of who you are. Different dynamics of your 'self' will emerge and surprise you. 

As for finding your partner. Your Soulmate will see all of the amazing things you are. They will delight in experiencing the infinite depths that you and we all possess.

Labels don't become you, you become you.

You get love, yes you. 


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